This is from a Facebook Post on August 30, 2020 which after a suggestion from a friend sparked this blog. Thank you Danielle!!
Warning, this is me being real so, keep on scrolling if you don’t want a dose of my reality…can’t always have it sunny side up.
I am laying in my bed with the windows open, cool breeze (61 degrees out) listening to the frogs, the crickets and the trees blowing, thinking how this would be an awesome night to be camping. I love camping but it’s only been the past 5 years that I’ve been able to get outside and not because I didn’t want to or because I was sick. My husband just wasn’t an outdoors person. The year before my husband died he bought a trailer and we camped in it a handful of times. It’s like a cruel joke. I had waited almost 25 years to spend my summers camping and then it was taken away. Now I have to plan trips alone and I have. I was terrified on my first trip with my kids. I drove us from The Detroit area to Muskegon. Spent 4 days there driving up and down the West Coast of Michigan. I never really drove much either because my husband didn’t trust anyone but himself to drive because of “all the other drivers on the road.” So that added to my fears. Over the past 4 summers I have taken my children all over Michigan to experience the great outdoors and to help find myself because sometime over the past 30yrs I became codependent and lost myself. I talk about camping because that has been the one place I can get a glimpse of who I really am. Now 2020 happens and all my summer plans got ripped to pieces so I’m not getting that glimpse. I try to tell myself I don’t need people or activities but I do. I feel so lost and alone. I wonder how I let myself get here. I hate myself for letting it happen. I used to be a strong independent girl. I used to go out and have fun. I’ve missed out on so much. And so here I Iay, alone, listening to the outdoor sounds, trying to figure out who I am and how I can learn to have fun again, falling faster. I’ll find my way back up, I always do.
Can’t Always Have It Sunny Side Up 