I attended an online grief support group this week. I’ve attended this particular group for 4 years now and some days it’s been a Godsend. This program is usually in person but because of this pandemic we find ourselves in, the group has moved online. At first I thought this would be very difficult to get personal online with my children still home. And with these zoom meetings, I always felt like I was inviting people into my disorganized home. I have overcome that fear and now really look forward to these meetings. Being 4 years in, I can share my experiences with others and help those newer to their grief. This makes me feel useful as many days I struggle to even get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. It feels good to help. My grief is not as raw as others but it is still there and some days are worse than others.
During each meeting we have a wellness check in where we describe our high, low and buffalo. This is important for each of us to realize that we are not alone and we all have highs, lows and those crazy, unexplainable, out of the ordinary, don’t fit into any category, buffalos. I always struggle with coming up with something even though I know that we are going to do this wellness check in. When it comes to my turn I get so nervous. Some days I come prepared and I feel so good that I am prepared but when it comes around to my turn, my nerves get the best of me and I forget. During this particular meeting I even mentioned that I usually try to come prepared but I didn’t and I was struggling to come up with something and then I remembered ( like I could forget) both my birthday and my son’s birthday happened since our last meeting. That was the high and the low. It was high because it was a birthday and we were both experiencing milestone birthdays. It was low because my husband, the father of my children, is no longer here to celebrate with us. It was also low because this darned pandemic turned my son’s birthday party into a Zoom meeting with our immediate family. As I sit there looking at my Zoom call knowing that everyone is looking at me I ramble about mini cakes and brownies then try to come up with a Buffalo. Ummm…. well 2 weekends ago I stayed in my bedroom for almost the entire weekend crocheting a pocketed shawl. I called it self care.
We always end our grief support meetings by talking about what we will do for ourselves before our next meeting. Self care is so important. Especially for us who are grieving and trying to take care of our children, children who are also grieving. I forgot to mention, this is a grief support group specifically for children and the adult group is an added bonus. That is a commonality we all have, other than the loss itself. We all have children who are grieving and you can’t take care of your children if you are not taking care of yourself. It’s like they always say when the plane is going down, you must put YOUR oxygen mask on before helping others.
Why am I sharing this… well, like I said earlier, I like to help others. Maybe you are someone on the fence about a grief support group. Maybe you are someone who’s wondering if you have been grieving too long. Or, maybe you have a friend grieving. High, low, buffalo and self care are all helpful tools in this grieving process as is grief support. I honestly don’t know where I would be without the support of this group. I have made best friends from being in this group. Something I desperately needed because when I lost my husband I lost many friends as did my children. People tend to think you are contagious or something and they start looking away when you get near. Something many of us have shared as a common occurrence.
Stay safe, be well 😊
Can’t Always Have It Sunny Side Up 