I found myself in a self sabotaging moment this weekend. It didn’t matter what anyone said, I thought I was fat, ugly, worthless, undeserveing, repulsive, etc…It was a double bowling weekend so we bowled both Sat & Sun evening and I kid you not… I was having anxiety attacks as I compared myself to every other lady in these bowling alleys. I also thought that everyone we saw was thinking “What’s a guy like him doing with girl like that. He could do so much better!”
I also bowled like crap 💩 on Saturday. A good 30+ pins under average for 2/3 games. And, of course those were the games we lost. If only I would have hit my average we would have taken all 7 points instead of just 2. That too made me feel worthless. At least on Sunday I hit my average + a couple pins each game.
I really need to work harder on building my confidence. I am now considered grossly obese at 60 lbs overweight. It doesn’t matter what I do I can’t seem to lose weight and that is how I have been losing my confidence lately.
The thing is that I know I shouldn’t base my confidence on how much I weigh. I know Inhave more to offer than a pretty face. But lately I can’t seem to get past that. I have gained weight everywhere (well except that one place I need to) 👙. And I see other women that are larger and I say well at least she has a thin face… calfs… ankles… legs… arms… me I’m just fat all over. I feel like a weeble but I certainly do fall down and have a heck of a time getting back up 😬
So what am I gonna do about this… for starters I’m trying something new that I have seen work on a local friend of mine. I will be following the Plexus program and I will share in this group how I am doing. I will be taking pictures soon so I have something to compare myself to. I will also be following a couple motivators. Who, not sure yet. But, I will share anything I few that might make a difference. And, I bought a Yoga 🧘 mat. Hopefully I can get motivated to use it. I also have a doctors appointment next month that will hopefully give me some more answers.
So where am I going with this… sometimes you can hurt yourself worse than others do.
So, Do NOT put yourself down, it hurts! Trust me!!
Can’t Always Have It Sunny Side Up 